Strange battery/headlight/interior light problem

[LiquidTension]

So I get off work from my second job at 2:15am and my car won't start. Radio works, steering column works but slowly, fast clicking in engine bay. Wonderful - dead battery. So I get a jump, car cranks up. When I get home and turn the car off, the interior lights will not shut off. The side markers and tail lights also will not shut off, regardless of the light switch position. After a time (at least 15 minutes), everything shuts off.

I waited a little while and went to see if the battery had drained again. It was weak, but the car started. This time when I shut it off, the interior/radio/clock lights stayed on, the side markers stayed on, the headlights stayed on, the SLIP and VDC lights are on, and the fans stayed on. After about 5 minutes, everything shut off.

After messing with the car for a while, it's now 3:45am and I'm supposed to be at work at 7am. So I ask you guys... WTF!?

Yes, I checked the interior light wheel switch thingy by the VDC, and I obviously tried to turn the lights off by taking them off "Auto."

We had some seriously heavy rain tonight, and I ended up driving through some pretty deep water. I'm guessing something got wet and I'm really hoping that in a few hours it will be dried out, but if that's not it...what's going on?