Joke time pinoy style...
 

"A Filipino, a German and a Pakistani got arrested consuming alcohol which is a severe offense in Saudi Arabia, so for the terrible crime they are all sentenced 20 lashes each of the whip.

Sheik announced: "it's my first wife's birthday today, and she has asked me to allow each of you one wish before your whipping."

The German was first in line, he thought for a while and then said: "Please tie a pillow to my back."

This was done, but the pillow only lasted 10 lashes & the the German had to be carried away bleeding and crying with pain.

The Pakistani was next up. After watching German in horror he said smugly: "Please fix two pillows to my back."

But even two pillows could only take 15 lashes & the Pakistani was also led away whimpering loudly.

The Filipino was the last one up, but before he could say anything, the Sheikh turned to him and said: "you are from one of most beautiful part of the world and your culture is one of the finest in the world. For this, you may have two wishes!"

"Thank you, your Most Royal and Merciful highness," the Filipino replied.

"In recognition of your kindness, my first wish is that you give me not 20, but 100 lashes.

"Not only are you an honorable, handsome and powerful man, you are also very brave." The Sheik said with an admiring look on his face.

"If 100 lashes is what you desire, then so be it.

"and what is your second wish,?" the Sheik asked.

Filipino smiled and said, "Tie the Pakistani to my back"!!!

Another set....





TEACHER: Class draw a fish......!
CLASS: Yes ma'am!
TEACHER: Pedro, why is ur drawing very dirty..?
PEDRO: Ma'am, bagoong po yan."



PULIS AT INTSIK:
PULIS: boss konting abuloy lang, may namatay na pulis.
INTSIK: ako malaki migay amuloy masta alaw-alaw melon pulis paktay oke.."



PASYENTE: Dok...Ninenerbyos po ako! First operation ko po ito...
DOK: Alam ko ang nararamdaman mo...Kasi ikaw rin ang una kong pasyente"



TANGA: kamusta young exam mo?
BOBO: wla ako nasagutan, blanko young papel ko, ikaw?
TANGA: naku, blangko din young papel ko, baka sabihin ni titser, nagkopyahan tayo.



WIFE: maghiwalay na tayo!
MAN: ok, akin ang bahay!
WIFE: akin ang farm!
MAN: akin ang kotse!
WIFE: ah pero akin driver!
MAN: pwes, magkakamatayan tayo, MATAGAL NA SIYANG AKIN!



MRS: hoy! tama na yang beer mo masyado ka magatos.
MR: ikaw make-up mo magastos
MRS: nagpapaganda ako para sa'yo
MR: ako umiinom para gumanda ka!



MAY BAGONG KASAL:
MRS: Honey malapit na tayong maging 3 dito sa bahay
MR: Talaga honey? Pinasaya mo ako sa balita mo.
MRS: Oo dito na titira ang nanay ko!



MAN 1: Away kami ni misis, nag-HIstorical siya
MAN 2: Pare baka ang ibig mo sabihin ay nag-Hysterical
MAN 1: Hinde, historical kasi inungkat lahat ng kasalanan ko!"



A black baby is given a pair of wings by a fairy...
BABY: Does this mean I am an angel???
FAIRY: (laughs) of course not! tong negrang to! ambisyosa! PANIKI KA!!!



In a party, a handsome guy approached a girl and asked:
are you going to dance??
The girl felt so happy that someone finally asked her and she said,
"yes" and the guy said "that's good, can I have your chair??"



Naglalakad ang mag-ama, nakakita ng eroplano:
ANAK: Tay! Krus! Ang laking krus!
TATAY" (binatukan ang anak) Nakita mo nang krus eh! lumuhod tayo!"



EMPLOYEE: boss pwede ba ako na lang ang papalit dun pwesto sa manager natin na kamamatay lang?
BOSS: ok lang sa akin na ikaw ang pumalit sa kanya, ewan ko lang kung papayag ang punerarya.



bobo 1: pare, alam mo ba tawag sa paniki na mababa ang lipad?
bobo 2: hindi eh! ano ba pare?
bobo 1: lowbat pare! lowbat!



BOY: Nay! muntik na ako maging top one sa klase!
NANAY: Bat mo naman nasabi?
BOY: Ini-announce kasi kanina yung top one sa klase and itinuro ni ma'am yung katabi ko. Muntik na ako!



Bush visited the Philippines and Erap acted as his translator:
BUSH: Lets help one another...
ERAP: Tayo'y magtulungan...
BUSH: ...let's strive together...
ERAP: ...tayo'y magsikap...
BUSH: ...because in union there is strength.
ERAP: ...dahil sa sibuyas may titigas!

thats a good one.

check out this vid..

:icon18:

Hahga

Be proud to be a Filipino :)
 

I got this from someone who thought I was Pinay, I thought I'd pass it on.

BE PROUD TO BE A FILIPINO

In the Philippines, Filipinos were introduced to
the English language in 1762 by British invaders, not
Americans.

What is the world's 3rd largest English-speaking nation,
next to the USA and the UK? not sure of this one. i have to check my references again ... ???

The USA bought the Philippines, Puerto Rico and Guam from Spain in 1898.

The Filipino-American Independence War from 1898 to 1902
ensued, killing 4,234 Americans and how many Filipinos? 16,000 were killed
in action and 200,000 died from famine and pestilence. (The Philippines
lost and was colonized until 1946.)

Los Angeles, California was co-founded in 1781 by a Filipino
named Antonio Miranda Rodriguez, along with 43 Latinos from Mexico
sent by the Spanish government.

What antibiotic did Filipino doctor Abelardo Aguilar
co-discover?
Hint: Brand is Ilosone, named after the province Iloilo, Philippines. Erythromycin.

The one-chip video camera was first made by Marc Loinaz, a
Filipino inventor from New Jersey.

The first ever international Grandmaster from Asia was
Eugenio Torre who won at the Chess Olympiad in Nice, France in 1974.

This son of two Filipino physicians scored over 700 on the
verbal portion of the Standardized Achievement Test (SAT) before
age 13 - Kiwi Danao Camara of Punahou School, Hawaii... Edward
Sanchez, a Mensa member, bagged the grand prize in the first Philippine
Search for Product Excellence in Information Technology.

Who was the Filipino-American dancer who scored perfect 1600
on the SAT? Joyce Monteverde of California.

Who invented the fluorescent lamp?
Thomas Edison discovered the electric light and the
fluorescent lighting was thought up by Nikola Tesla. But the fluorescent
lamp we use today was invented by Agapito Flores (a Cebu man
named Benigno Flores of Bantayan Island, according to the Philippine Daily Inquirer),
a Filipino scientist. Americans helped then-Philippine
leader Ramon Magsaysay to develop it for worldwide commerce. (Yes! Many
foreigners have noted that the Filipino population has Asia's highest
rates of inventors and international beauty queens.)

Two Filipina beauties, Gloria Diaz and Margie Morgan, chosen
as Miss Universe in 1969 and 1973.

Pure- or part-Filipino celebrities in American showbiz
include Von Flores, Tia Carrere, Paolo Montalban, Lea Salonga, Ernie Reyes Jr.,
Nia Peeples, Julio Iglesias Jr., Lou Diamond Phillips, Phoebe Cates and
Rob Schneider.

The first Filipino act to land a top hit on the US Billboard Hot 100
chart in the 1960s was the group Rocky Fellers of Manila.
Sugar Pie de Santo (father was from the Philippines), The Artist Formerly
Known as Prince (according to the October 1984 article "Prince in
Exile" by Scott Isler in the magazine Musician), Jaya, Foxy Brown and
Enrique Iglesias followed.

Pure Filipinos who made success in minor charts were Jocelyn
Enriquez Aka Oriental Madonna, Buffy, Pinay and (Ella May)Saison.

Latina-American pop star Christina Aguilera lost to Filipina
vocalist Josephine Roberto aka Banig during the International Star
Search years ago. In a mid-1999 MTV chat, she said that competing against
someone of Banig's age was "not fair."

Besides gracing fashion magazine covers, this international
supermodel from Manila had walked the runways since the 1970s for all
the major designers, like Calvin Klein, Chanel, Christian Dior,
Christian Lacroix, Donna Karan, Gianni Versace and Yves Saint Laurent - Anna
Bayle.

Who is the personal physician of United States Pres. William
Clinton? Eleanor "Connie" Concepcion Mariano, a Filipina doctor who
was the Youngest captain in the US Navy.

The first Filipino-American in US Congress was Virginia Rep.
Robert Cortez-Scott, a Harvard alumnus.

Distinguished British traveler-writer A. Henry Savage
Landor, thrilled upon seeing a Bicol landmark in 1903, wrote: "Mayon is the
most beautiful mountain I have ever seen, the world-renowned Fujiyama
(Mt.Fuji) of Japan sinking into perfect insignificance by comparison." Mayon
has the world's most perfect cone.
(Note from NINO in 2000 - It's been on the news a lot over there that Mt. Mayon is stirring, and has erupted just recently, causing damages to its perfect cone,which is a shame, really)

Filipinos had their first taste of Mexican chili and corn during the Manila-Acapulco galleon trade (1564-1815). In return, Mexico's people had their initial taste of tamarind, Manila mango and a Filipino banana called racatan or lakatan.

Founded in 1595 by Spaniards, the University of San Carlos in Cebu City,
Philippines is older than Harvard and is the oldest university in Asia.

University of Santo Tomas in Manila, established in 1611, is
Asia's second oldest.

Who's the Filipina senator popular for her colorful jargon, delivered in a
mile-a-minute speed and in a weird Harvard-meets-Ilonggo accent?
Atty. Miriam Defensor-Santiago (now a Senator).

The first female president of the Philippines sworn into office in 1986
was Corazon Cojuangco Aquino. Her maiden name is Chinese...

In a March 31, 1997 article, The New York Times reported that the CIA
manipulated Philippine elections: "(CIA operative Col. Edward Lansdale)
essentially ran the successful presidential campaign of Defense Minister
Ramon Magsaysay in the Philippines in 1953."

Who was the first Asian and/or Filipino to snatch America's Pulitzer
Prize? Philippines Herald war journalist Carlos P. Romulo in 1941. (He was
also the first Asian to become UN President.) The first two Filipino-Americans to garner the same award 56 years later were Seattle Times' Alex Tizon and Byron Acohido, who is part-Korean.

Filipino writer Jose Rizal could read and write at age 2, and grew up to
speak more than 20 languages, including Latin, Greek, German, French and
Chinese. What were his last words? "Consummatum est!" ("It is done!")

"What's still most impressive to me about the Philippines is the friendliness of the people, their sense of humor...," wrote Honolulu journalist John Griffin in a 1998 visit to Manila.

Peace!!! :biggthumpup:

lol' i thought you were pinay as well????

HAHAHA!!! my friend taught me that! :D

damn im lost haha:7: :dunno:

..so you think youre a filipina?

she tricked me. she pmed me in taglish'

hahah, I bet you're curious now;) What do you think, is she Puti, intsek, koreana, hapones, latina:D o iteem?

hhaha what do you call a black goat....


annnn eeee gooooooooaaatttt hahah:icon30: :icon30: :icon30: :DOMO:

ehhhhggot