When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her.

- David Bissonette


After marriage, husband and wife become two sides of a coin; they just can't face each other, but still they stay together.

- Sacha Guitry


By all means marry. If you get a good wife, you'll be happy. If you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher.

- Socrates



Woman inspires us to great things, and prevents us from achieving them.

- Anonymous


The great question... which I have not been able to answer... is, "What does a woman want?"

- Dumas



I had some words with my wife, and she had some paragraphs with me.

- Sigmund Freud



'Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays.'

- Anonymous



There's a way of transferring funds that is even faster than electronic banking. It's called marriage.'

- Sam Kinison



I've had bad luck with both my wives. The first one left me, and the second one didn't.'

- James Holt McGavra


Two secrets to keep your marriage brimming
1. Whenever you're wrong, admit it,
2. Whenever you're right, shut up.

-Patrick Murra



The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once....

- Nash



You know what I did before I married? Anything I wanted to.

- Anonymous



My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.

- Henny Youngman



A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong.

- Rodney Dangerfield



A man inserted an ad in the classifieds: 'Wife wanted'. Next day he received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: 'You can have mine.'

- Anonymous



First Guy (proudly): 'My wife's an angel!'
Second Guy: 'You're lucky, mine's still alive.'

- Anonymous

 

lmao....

 

buahahahaha...

 

A husband and wife are sitting quietly in bed reading when the Wife
looks over at him and asks the question....

WIFE: "What would you do if I died? Would you get married again?"
HUSBAND: "Definitely not!"
WIFE: "Why not? Don't you like being married?"
HUSBAND: "Of course I do."
WIFE: "Then why wouldn't you remarry?"
HUSBAND: "Okay, okay, I'd get married again."
WIFE: "You would?" (with a hurt look)
HUSBAND: (makes audible groan)
WIFE: "Would you live in our house?"
HUSBAND: "Sure, it's a great house."
WIFE: "Would you sleep with her in our bed?"
HUSBAND: "Where else would we sleep?"
WIFE: "Would you let her drive my car?"
HUSBAND: "Probably, it is almost new."
WIFE: "Would you replace my pictures with hers?"
HUSBAND: "That would seem like the proper thing to do."
WIFE: "Would you give her my jewelry?"
HUSBAND: "No, I'm sure she'd want her own."
WIFE: "Would you take her golfing with you?
HUSBAND: "Yes, those are always good times."
WIFE: "Would she use my clubs?

HUSBAND: "No, she's left-handed."

WIFE: -- silence --

HUSBAND: " oh s**t."

 

Saturday morning I got up early, dressed quietly, made my lunch, grabbed
the dog, slipped quietly into the garage to hook the boat up to the
truck, and proceeded to back out into a torrential down pour.

The wind was blowing 50 mph. I pulled back into the garage, turned on
the radio, and discovered that the weather would be bad throughout the
day.

I went back into the house, quietly undressed, and slipped back into
bed. There I cuddled up to my wife's back, now with a different
anticipation, and whispered, 'The weather out there is terrible.'

My loving wife of 20 yrs replied, 'Can you believe my stupid husband is
out fishing in that ****?'

I still don't know to this day if she was joking, but I have stopped
fishing.

 

Tony is everything ok?

 

that was a good one intgr8r....lol

 

Gagaga these were all hilarious!

 

LMAO! I have to show the wife! Too funny!

Bert

 

The best one!!

 

Where you been Chester?

 

I moved to D.C

 

LOL, really good.