Calling all lexophiles
#16
07-06-2006 | 08:36 AM
Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 19,619
Likes: 6
From: Nova Scotia, Canada
This has got to be one of the most clever E-Mails ever seen.
> Someone out there either has too much spare time or is deadly at
Scrabble.
> (Wait till you see the last one!!!)
>
> GEORGE BUSH: When you rearrange the letters: HE BUGS GORE
> DORMITORY: When you rearrange the letters: DIRTY ROOM
> EVANGELIST: When you rearrange the letters: EVIL'S AGENT
> PRESBYTERIAN: When you rearrange the letters: BEST IN PRAYER
> DESPERATION: When you rearrange the letters: A ROPE ENDS IT
> THE MORSE CODE: When you rearrange the letters: HERE COME DOTS
> SLOT MACHINES: When you rearrange the letters: CASH LOST IN ME
> ANIMOSITY: When you rearrange the letters: IS NO AMITY
> MOTHER-IN-LAW: When you re arrange the letters: WOMAN HITLER
> SNOOZE ALARMS: When you rearrange the letters: ALAS! NO MORE Z'S
> A DECIMAL POINT: When you rearrange the letters: I'M A DOT IN PLACE
> ELEVEN PLUS TWO: When you rearrange the letters: TWELVE PLUS ONE
> And for the grand finale:
> PRESIDENT CLINTON OF THE USA: When you rearrange the letters
> (With no letters left over and using each letter only once):
> TO COPULATE HE FINDS INTERNS
>
> Someone out there either has too much spare time or is deadly at
Scrabble.
> (Wait till you see the last one!!!)
>
> GEORGE BUSH: When you rearrange the letters: HE BUGS GORE
> DORMITORY: When you rearrange the letters: DIRTY ROOM
> EVANGELIST: When you rearrange the letters: EVIL'S AGENT
> PRESBYTERIAN: When you rearrange the letters: BEST IN PRAYER
> DESPERATION: When you rearrange the letters: A ROPE ENDS IT
> THE MORSE CODE: When you rearrange the letters: HERE COME DOTS
> SLOT MACHINES: When you rearrange the letters: CASH LOST IN ME
> ANIMOSITY: When you rearrange the letters: IS NO AMITY
> MOTHER-IN-LAW: When you re arrange the letters: WOMAN HITLER
> SNOOZE ALARMS: When you rearrange the letters: ALAS! NO MORE Z'S
> A DECIMAL POINT: When you rearrange the letters: I'M A DOT IN PLACE
> ELEVEN PLUS TWO: When you rearrange the letters: TWELVE PLUS ONE
> And for the grand finale:
> PRESIDENT CLINTON OF THE USA: When you rearrange the letters
> (With no letters left over and using each letter only once):
> TO COPULATE HE FINDS INTERNS
>
#17
07-06-2006 | 08:37 AM
Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 19,619
Likes: 6
From: Nova Scotia, Canada
A redneck is driving 'round the farm,
checking the fences. After a few minutes he radios his boss
and says, "Boss, I've got a problem. I hit a pig on the road
and he's stuck under my truck. He's still wriggling what
should I do?'' "In the back of your truck there's a shotgun.
Shoot the pig in the head and when it stops wriggling you can
pull it out and throw it in a bush." The farm
worker agrees and signs off. About 10 minutes later he
radios back. "Boss I did what you said, I shot the pig and
dragged it out and threw it in a bush." "So what's the problem now?"
his Boss snapped. "The blue light on his motorcycle is still flashing!"
checking the fences. After a few minutes he radios his boss
and says, "Boss, I've got a problem. I hit a pig on the road
and he's stuck under my truck. He's still wriggling what
should I do?'' "In the back of your truck there's a shotgun.
Shoot the pig in the head and when it stops wriggling you can
pull it out and throw it in a bush." The farm
worker agrees and signs off. About 10 minutes later he
radios back. "Boss I did what you said, I shot the pig and
dragged it out and threw it in a bush." "So what's the problem now?"
his Boss snapped. "The blue light on his motorcycle is still flashing!"
#18
07-06-2006 | 08:38 AM
Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 19,619
Likes: 6
From: Nova Scotia, Canada
Redneck Medical Terms:
Artery...............................The study of paintings.
Benign..............................What you be after you be eight.
Bacteria............................Back door to cafeteria.
Barium..............................What doctors do when patients die.
Caesarean Section..............A neighbourhood in Rome.
Cat Scan...........................Searching for Kitty.
Cauterize..........................Made eye contact with her.
Coma................................A punctuation mark.
Dilate...............................To live long.
Enema..............................Not a friend.
Fester..............................Quicker than someone else.
Fibula...............................A small lie.
Hangnail..........................What you hang your coat on.
Impotent..........................Distinguished, well known.
Labour Pain......................Getting hurt at work.
Medical Staff....................A Doctor's cane.
Morbid.............................A higher offer than I bid.
Nitrates...........................Cheaper than day rates.
Node...............................I knew it.
Pelvis.............................Second cousin to Elvis.
Post Operative.................A letter carrier.
Rectum...........................Darn near killed him.
Seizure...........................Roman emperor.
Tablet............................A small table.
Tumour..........................More than one.
Urine.............................Opposite of you're out
Varicose.........................Near
Artery...............................The study of paintings.
Benign..............................What you be after you be eight.
Bacteria............................Back door to cafeteria.
Barium..............................What doctors do when patients die.
Caesarean Section..............A neighbourhood in Rome.
Cat Scan...........................Searching for Kitty.
Cauterize..........................Made eye contact with her.
Coma................................A punctuation mark.
Dilate...............................To live long.
Enema..............................Not a friend.
Fester..............................Quicker than someone else.
Fibula...............................A small lie.
Hangnail..........................What you hang your coat on.
Impotent..........................Distinguished, well known.
Labour Pain......................Getting hurt at work.
Medical Staff....................A Doctor's cane.
Morbid.............................A higher offer than I bid.
Nitrates...........................Cheaper than day rates.
Node...............................I knew it.
Pelvis.............................Second cousin to Elvis.
Post Operative.................A letter carrier.
Rectum...........................Darn near killed him.
Seizure...........................Roman emperor.
Tablet............................A small table.
Tumour..........................More than one.
Urine.............................Opposite of you're out
Varicose.........................Near
#19
07-06-2006 | 08:38 AM
Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 19,619
Likes: 6
From: Nova Scotia, Canada
#20
07-06-2006 | 08:39 AM
Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 19,619
Likes: 6
From: Nova Scotia, Canada
1. Birds of a feather flock together and crap on your car.
2. There's always a lot to be thankful for if you take time to look for it.
For example I am sitting here thinking how nice it is that wrinkles don't hurt.
3. When I'm feeling down, I like to whistle. It makes the neighbour's dog run
to the end of his chain and gag himself.
4. If you can't be kind, at least have the decency to be vague.
5. Don't assume malice for what stupidity can explain.
6. A penny saved is a government oversight.
7. The sole purpose of a child's middle name is so he can tell when he's
really in trouble.
8. The older you get, the tougher it is to lose weight, because by then your
body and your fat are really good friends.
9. The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a
replacement.
10. He who hesitates is probably right.
11. If you think there is good in everybody, you haven't met everybody.
12. If you can smile when things go wrong, you have someone in mind to blame
13. Americans are getting stronger. Thirty years ago, it took two adults to
carry ten dollars' worth of groceries. Today, a five-year-old can do it alone.
14. We are born naked, wet, and hungry. Then things get worse.
15. The 50-90 rule: Anytime you have a 50 chance of getting something
right, there's a 90% probability you'll get it wrong.
16. Laughing stock -- cattle with a sense of humour.
17. You can't have everything! Where would you put it?
18. Flashlight: A case for holding dead batteries.
19. Shin: A device for finding furniture in the dark.
20. When you're swimming and an eel bites your cheek, that's a moray.
21. Everybody lies, but it doesn't matter because nobody listens.
22. When you go into court you are putting yourself in the hands of 12 people
that weren't smart enough to get out of jury duty.
23. Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright
until you hear them speak
2. There's always a lot to be thankful for if you take time to look for it.
For example I am sitting here thinking how nice it is that wrinkles don't hurt.
3. When I'm feeling down, I like to whistle. It makes the neighbour's dog run
to the end of his chain and gag himself.
4. If you can't be kind, at least have the decency to be vague.
5. Don't assume malice for what stupidity can explain.
6. A penny saved is a government oversight.
7. The sole purpose of a child's middle name is so he can tell when he's
really in trouble.
8. The older you get, the tougher it is to lose weight, because by then your
body and your fat are really good friends.
9. The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a
replacement.
10. He who hesitates is probably right.
11. If you think there is good in everybody, you haven't met everybody.
12. If you can smile when things go wrong, you have someone in mind to blame
13. Americans are getting stronger. Thirty years ago, it took two adults to
carry ten dollars' worth of groceries. Today, a five-year-old can do it alone.
14. We are born naked, wet, and hungry. Then things get worse.
15. The 50-90 rule: Anytime you have a 50 chance of getting something
right, there's a 90% probability you'll get it wrong.
16. Laughing stock -- cattle with a sense of humour.
17. You can't have everything! Where would you put it?
18. Flashlight: A case for holding dead batteries.
19. Shin: A device for finding furniture in the dark.
20. When you're swimming and an eel bites your cheek, that's a moray.
21. Everybody lies, but it doesn't matter because nobody listens.
22. When you go into court you are putting yourself in the hands of 12 people
that weren't smart enough to get out of jury duty.
23. Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright
until you hear them speak
#22
07-06-2006 | 08:48 AM
. Good stuff LOL
.
#24
07-06-2006 | 08:54 AM
Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 19,619
Likes: 6
From: Nova Scotia, Canada
No offence intended....
A little East Indian boy goes into the kitchen where his
mom is baking. He puts his hand in the flour and wipes it all over his face.
Look, mom, I'm a white boy!"
His mom slaps him in the face and says; Go show your father".
He goes to his dad in the living room and says; Look dad, I'm a white boy."
His dad slaps him hard in the face and says; Go show your grandmother."
The boy goes in his grandmother's room and says; Look granny, I'm a white boy "
His grandmother slaps him in the face and sends him back to his mother.
His mother says; "Now, did you learn anything from that?"
To which the little boy replies; I Sure did. I've only been white for five minutes and I already hate you Packies!"
A little East Indian boy goes into the kitchen where his
mom is baking. He puts his hand in the flour and wipes it all over his face.
Look, mom, I'm a white boy!"
His mom slaps him in the face and says; Go show your father".
He goes to his dad in the living room and says; Look dad, I'm a white boy."
His dad slaps him hard in the face and says; Go show your grandmother."
The boy goes in his grandmother's room and says; Look granny, I'm a white boy "
His grandmother slaps him in the face and sends him back to his mother.
His mother says; "Now, did you learn anything from that?"
To which the little boy replies; I Sure did. I've only been white for five minutes and I already hate you Packies!"
#26
07-06-2006 | 08:56 AM
Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 19,619
Likes: 6
From: Nova Scotia, Canada
A little boy blows up his balloon and starts flicking it all around
the house with his finger. His mother tells him to stop it as he's
liable to break something.
The boy continues. "Johnny!" mom screams. "Knock it off. You're going to break something."
He stops and eventually mom leaves for a short trip to the store.
Johnny starts up with the balloon again. He gives it one last flick and it lands in the toilet.
Mom comes in and while putting away the groceries gets the urge. A diarrhea run. She can hardly make it to the toilet in time and SPLASH, out it comes. When she's finished she looks down and can't believe what she's seeing. Diarrhea everywhere! She's not sure what this big brown thing is in
the toilet! She cal!s her doctor.
The doctor is baffled as she describes the situation, but he assures her he'll be over shortly to examine everything.
When he arrives she leads him to the bathroom and he gets down on his knees and takes a long, hard look at the thing. Finally, he takes out his pen and sort of touches it to see what it might be and POP! The ballon explodes and diarrhea is everywhere. On him, the walls, etc.
"Doctor! Doctor! Are you alright?" she asks.
He says, "I've been in this business for over 30 years, and this is the first time I've ever seen a fart!"
the house with his finger. His mother tells him to stop it as he's
liable to break something.
The boy continues. "Johnny!" mom screams. "Knock it off. You're going to break something."
He stops and eventually mom leaves for a short trip to the store.
Johnny starts up with the balloon again. He gives it one last flick and it lands in the toilet.
Mom comes in and while putting away the groceries gets the urge. A diarrhea run. She can hardly make it to the toilet in time and SPLASH, out it comes. When she's finished she looks down and can't believe what she's seeing. Diarrhea everywhere! She's not sure what this big brown thing is in
the toilet! She cal!s her doctor.
The doctor is baffled as she describes the situation, but he assures her he'll be over shortly to examine everything.
When he arrives she leads him to the bathroom and he gets down on his knees and takes a long, hard look at the thing. Finally, he takes out his pen and sort of touches it to see what it might be and POP! The ballon explodes and diarrhea is everywhere. On him, the walls, etc.
"Doctor! Doctor! Are you alright?" she asks.
He says, "I've been in this business for over 30 years, and this is the first time I've ever seen a fart!"
#27
07-06-2006 | 08:58 AM
Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 19,619
Likes: 6
From: Nova Scotia, Canada
The Redneck Challenge
We are sick and tired of hearing about how dumb people are in the South,
and we challenge any so-called smart Yankee to take this exam:
1. Calculate the smallest limb diameter on a persimmon
tree that will support a 10 pound possum.
2. Which of these cars will rust out the quickest when
placed on blocks in your front yard?
(A) '65 Ford Fairlane
( B) '69 Chevrolet Chevelle
(C) '64 Pontiac GTO.
3. If your uncle builds a still which operates at a capacity of 20 gallons of shine
produced per hour, how many car radiators are required to condense the product?
4. A woodcutter has a chainsaw which operates at 2700
RPM. The density of the pine trees in the plot to be harvested is 470 per
acre. The plot is 2.3 acres in size. The average tree diameter is 14
inches. How many Budweisers will be drunk before the trees are cut down?
5. A front porch is constructed of 2x8 pine on 24-inch
centers with a field rock foundation. The span is 8 feet and the porch
length is 16 feet. The porch floor is 1-inch rough sawn pine. When the
porch collapses, how many dogs will be killed?
6. A man owns a Georgia house and 3.7 acres of land in a
hollow with an average slope of 15%. The man has five children. Can each
of his grown children place a mobile home on the man's land and still have
enough property for their electric appliances to sit out front?
7. A 2-ton truck is overloaded and proceeding 900 yards
down a steep slope on a secondary road at 45 MPH. The brakes fail. Given
average traffic conditions on secondary roads, what is the probability
that it will strike a vehicle with a muffler?
8. With a gene pool reduction of 7.5% per generation, how
long will it take a town which has been bypassed by the Interstate to
breed a country-western singer?
I betcha thought that there test was gonna be an easy one,
didn't ya? It's okay if'n ya didn't do all that well. Just goes to
show ya...
There's a hole heap of things that big city book-learning
don't prepare ya for in this life.
As an added bonus for taking the "REDNECK CHALLENGE",
here's some southerly advice that may come in handy down the road a
piece...
Next time you are too drunk to drive, walk to the nearest
pizza shop and place an order. When they go to deliver it, catch a ride
home with them.
We are sick and tired of hearing about how dumb people are in the South,
and we challenge any so-called smart Yankee to take this exam:
1. Calculate the smallest limb diameter on a persimmon
tree that will support a 10 pound possum.
2. Which of these cars will rust out the quickest when
placed on blocks in your front yard?
(A) '65 Ford Fairlane
( B) '69 Chevrolet Chevelle
(C) '64 Pontiac GTO.
3. If your uncle builds a still which operates at a capacity of 20 gallons of shine
produced per hour, how many car radiators are required to condense the product?
4. A woodcutter has a chainsaw which operates at 2700
RPM. The density of the pine trees in the plot to be harvested is 470 per
acre. The plot is 2.3 acres in size. The average tree diameter is 14
inches. How many Budweisers will be drunk before the trees are cut down?
5. A front porch is constructed of 2x8 pine on 24-inch
centers with a field rock foundation. The span is 8 feet and the porch
length is 16 feet. The porch floor is 1-inch rough sawn pine. When the
porch collapses, how many dogs will be killed?
6. A man owns a Georgia house and 3.7 acres of land in a
hollow with an average slope of 15%. The man has five children. Can each
of his grown children place a mobile home on the man's land and still have
enough property for their electric appliances to sit out front?
7. A 2-ton truck is overloaded and proceeding 900 yards
down a steep slope on a secondary road at 45 MPH. The brakes fail. Given
average traffic conditions on secondary roads, what is the probability
that it will strike a vehicle with a muffler?
8. With a gene pool reduction of 7.5% per generation, how
long will it take a town which has been bypassed by the Interstate to
breed a country-western singer?
I betcha thought that there test was gonna be an easy one,
didn't ya? It's okay if'n ya didn't do all that well. Just goes to
show ya...
There's a hole heap of things that big city book-learning
don't prepare ya for in this life.
As an added bonus for taking the "REDNECK CHALLENGE",
here's some southerly advice that may come in handy down the road a
piece...
Next time you are too drunk to drive, walk to the nearest
pizza shop and place an order. When they go to deliver it, catch a ride
home with them.
#28
07-06-2006 | 08:59 AM
Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 19,619
Likes: 6
From: Nova Scotia, Canada
What the heck is a fender skirt?
>
>
> I came across this phrase in a book yesterday "FENDER SKIRTS". A term
> I
> haven't heard in a long time and thinking about "fender skirts" started me
> thinking about other words that quietly disappear from our language with
> hardly
> a notice.
>
> Like "curb feelers" and "steering *****." Since I'd been thinking of
> cars, my mind naturally went that direction first. Any kids will probably
> have
> to find some elderly person over 50 to explain some of these terms to you
>
> Remember "Continental kits?" They were rear bumper extenders and
> spare
> tire covers that were supposed to make any car as cool as a Lincoln
> Continental.
>
> When did we quit calling them "emergency brakes?" At some point
> "parking brake" became the proper term. But I miss the hint of drama that
> went with
> "emergency brake."
>
> I'm sad, too, that almost all the old folks are gone who would call
> the
> accelerator the "foot feed"
>
> Didn't you ever wait at the street for your daddy to come home, so
> you
> could ride the "running board" up to the house?
>
> Here's a phrase I heard all the time in my youth but never anymore -
> "store- bought." Of course, just about everything is store-bought these
> days.
> But once it was bragging material to have a store-bought dress or a
> store-bought
> bag of candy.
>
> "Coast to coast" is a phrase that once held all sorts of excitement
> and
> now means almost nothing. Now we take the term "world wide" for granted.
> This
> floors me.
>
> On a smaller scale, "wall-to-wall" was once a magical term in our
> homes. In the '50s, everyone covered his or her hardwood floors with, wow,
> wall-to-wall carpeting! Today, everyone replaces their wall-to-wall
> carpeting with
> hardwood floors. Go figure.
>
> And when did Go Figure arrive in our language?
>
>
>
> When's the last time you heard the quaint phrase "in a family way?"
> It's hard to imagine that the word "pregnant" was once considered a little
> too
> graphic, a little too clinical for use in polite company. So we had all
> that
> talk about stork visits and "being in a family way" or simply "expecting."
>
> Apparently "brassiere" is a word no longer in usage. I said it the
> other day and my daughter cracked up. I guess it's just "bra" now
> "Unmentionables"
> probably wouldn't be understood at all.
>
> I always loved going to the "picture show," but I considered "movie"
> an
> affectation.
>
> Most of these words go back to the '50s, but here's a pure-'60s word
> I
> came across the other day - "rat fink." Ooh, what a nasty put-down!
>
> Here's a word I miss - "percolator." That was just a fun word to say.
> And what was it replaced with? "Coffee maker." How dull. Mr. Coffee, I
> blame
> you for this.
>
> I miss those made-up marketing words that were meant to sound so
> modern
> and now sound so retro. Words like "DynaFlow" and "Electrolux."
> Introducing
> the 1963 Admiral TV, now with "SpectraVision!"
>
> Food for thought - Was there a telethon that wiped out lumbago?
> Nobody
> complains of that anymore. Maybe that's what castor oil cured, because I
> never
> hear mothers threatening kids with castor oil anymore.
>
> Some words aren't gone, but are definitely on the endangered list.
> The
> one that grieves me most ! "supper. " Now everybody says "dinner." Save a
> great word. Invite someone to supper. Discuss fender skirts.
>
>
>
> I came across this phrase in a book yesterday "FENDER SKIRTS". A term
> I
> haven't heard in a long time and thinking about "fender skirts" started me
> thinking about other words that quietly disappear from our language with
> hardly
> a notice.
>
> Like "curb feelers" and "steering *****." Since I'd been thinking of
> cars, my mind naturally went that direction first. Any kids will probably
> have
> to find some elderly person over 50 to explain some of these terms to you
>
> Remember "Continental kits?" They were rear bumper extenders and
> spare
> tire covers that were supposed to make any car as cool as a Lincoln
> Continental.
>
> When did we quit calling them "emergency brakes?" At some point
> "parking brake" became the proper term. But I miss the hint of drama that
> went with
> "emergency brake."
>
> I'm sad, too, that almost all the old folks are gone who would call
> the
> accelerator the "foot feed"
>
> Didn't you ever wait at the street for your daddy to come home, so
> you
> could ride the "running board" up to the house?
>
> Here's a phrase I heard all the time in my youth but never anymore -
> "store- bought." Of course, just about everything is store-bought these
> days.
> But once it was bragging material to have a store-bought dress or a
> store-bought
> bag of candy.
>
> "Coast to coast" is a phrase that once held all sorts of excitement
> and
> now means almost nothing. Now we take the term "world wide" for granted.
> This
> floors me.
>
> On a smaller scale, "wall-to-wall" was once a magical term in our
> homes. In the '50s, everyone covered his or her hardwood floors with, wow,
> wall-to-wall carpeting! Today, everyone replaces their wall-to-wall
> carpeting with
> hardwood floors. Go figure.
>
> And when did Go Figure arrive in our language?
>
>
>
> When's the last time you heard the quaint phrase "in a family way?"
> It's hard to imagine that the word "pregnant" was once considered a little
> too
> graphic, a little too clinical for use in polite company. So we had all
> that
> talk about stork visits and "being in a family way" or simply "expecting."
>
> Apparently "brassiere" is a word no longer in usage. I said it the
> other day and my daughter cracked up. I guess it's just "bra" now
> "Unmentionables"
> probably wouldn't be understood at all.
>
> I always loved going to the "picture show," but I considered "movie"
> an
> affectation.
>
> Most of these words go back to the '50s, but here's a pure-'60s word
> I
> came across the other day - "rat fink." Ooh, what a nasty put-down!
>
> Here's a word I miss - "percolator." That was just a fun word to say.
> And what was it replaced with? "Coffee maker." How dull. Mr. Coffee, I
> blame
> you for this.
>
> I miss those made-up marketing words that were meant to sound so
> modern
> and now sound so retro. Words like "DynaFlow" and "Electrolux."
> Introducing
> the 1963 Admiral TV, now with "SpectraVision!"
>
> Food for thought - Was there a telethon that wiped out lumbago?
> Nobody
> complains of that anymore. Maybe that's what castor oil cured, because I
> never
> hear mothers threatening kids with castor oil anymore.
>
> Some words aren't gone, but are definitely on the endangered list.
> The
> one that grieves me most ! "supper. " Now everybody says "dinner." Save a
> great word. Invite someone to supper. Discuss fender skirts.
>
#29
07-06-2006 | 09:04 AM
Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 19,619
Likes: 6
From: Nova Scotia, Canada
In a physics lab course, which involved light,
electricity and magnetism, one requirement of the
course was to read the week's experiment before
coming to class...
At one lab session the instructor wanted to see how
many people had actually done so:
"What are the two types of light?" he asked.
The lab fell silent until one wise young man raised
his hand and said, "Uhhh, Miller and Bud?"
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
A city boy, Kenny, moved to the country and bought a
donkey from an old farmer for $100.00. The farmer
agreed to delivered the donkey the next day.
The next day the farmer drove up and said, "Sorry son,
but I have some bad news, the donkey died."
Kenny replied, "Well then, just give me my money back."
The farmer said, "Can't do that. I went and spent it
already."
Kenny said, "OK then, just unload the donkey."
The farmer asked, "What ya gonna do with him?"
Kenny, "I'm going to raffle him off."
Farmer, " You can't raffle off a dead donkey!"
Kenny, "Sure I can. Watch me. I just won't tell anybody
he is dead."
A month later the farmer met up with Kenny and asked,
"What happened with that dead donkey?"
Kenny, "I raffled him off. I sold 500 tickets at two
dollars a piece and made a profit of $998.00."
Farmer, "Didn't anyone complain?"
Kenny, " Just the guy who won. So I gave him his two
dollars back."
Kenny eventually became the chairman of Enron.
electricity and magnetism, one requirement of the
course was to read the week's experiment before
coming to class...
At one lab session the instructor wanted to see how
many people had actually done so:
"What are the two types of light?" he asked.
The lab fell silent until one wise young man raised
his hand and said, "Uhhh, Miller and Bud?"
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A city boy, Kenny, moved to the country and bought a
donkey from an old farmer for $100.00. The farmer
agreed to delivered the donkey the next day.
The next day the farmer drove up and said, "Sorry son,
but I have some bad news, the donkey died."
Kenny replied, "Well then, just give me my money back."
The farmer said, "Can't do that. I went and spent it
already."
Kenny said, "OK then, just unload the donkey."
The farmer asked, "What ya gonna do with him?"
Kenny, "I'm going to raffle him off."
Farmer, " You can't raffle off a dead donkey!"
Kenny, "Sure I can. Watch me. I just won't tell anybody
he is dead."
A month later the farmer met up with Kenny and asked,
"What happened with that dead donkey?"
Kenny, "I raffled him off. I sold 500 tickets at two
dollars a piece and made a profit of $998.00."
Farmer, "Didn't anyone complain?"
Kenny, " Just the guy who won. So I gave him his two
dollars back."
Kenny eventually became the chairman of Enron.