I'll start!

"I was at this casino minding my own business, and this guy came up to me and said, "You're gonna have to move, you're blocking a fire exit." As though if there was a fire, I wasn't gonna run. If you're flammible and have legs, you are never blocking a fire exit."


Lets keep this going!

 

^ mitch

 

its not "name who said it" haha

 

"some people say the glass is half empty, some say its half full... i say.. Are you gonna drink that?"

 

"God must love stupid people. That's why he made so many of you."

 

"Let me give you a little motto I live my life by. You gotta hit it and quit it. No ties, tangle free, nobody tells me what to do, I go bang, bang, bang the drum."

 

From my Office Calendar...

"Hello Oscar Meyer Weiner Lover. I bet that you have a bunch of very liberal girl type friends who trust you implicitly, because they know you'd never touch 'em because of your...condition" - Michael

That's funny sh*t...

 

"show me the money!"

 

"Bad decisions make good stories...."

You know you been there, lol...

 

Here's what's posted in my cubicle at work

"How can i think outside the box when i work in a cube?"

 

hahah I like that one!

 

A little nerdy, but...

Failure is not an option. It comes bundled with your Microsoft product

If Linux were a beer, it would be shipped in open barrels so that anybody could **** in it before delivery

 

"...a gun rack? What am I gunna do with a gun rack? I don't even have A gun; much less, many guns which would neccesitate a gun rack"

 

I use that regularly, but I put it slightly different....

Life isn't about good and bad decisions.. it's all about if it'll make a good story later...

 

"I'm Starving! Lets Get Some fuckin FRENCH TOAST!"