Joke Thread, heard any good ones lately?
Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 5,219
Likes: 5
From: SoCal, Riverside!
Joke Thread, heard any good ones lately?
After a long night of making love, he notices a framed photo of another man on the nightstand by her bed. He begins to worry.
"Is this your husband?" he nervously asks.
"No, silly," she replies, snuggling up to him.
"Your boyfriend, then?" he continues.
"No, not at all," she says, nibbling away at his ear.
"Is it your dad or your brother?" he inquires, hoping to be reassured.
"No, no, no!!!" she answers.
"Well, who in the hell is he then?" he demands.
"That's me before the surgery."
"Is this your husband?" he nervously asks.
"No, silly," she replies, snuggling up to him.
"Your boyfriend, then?" he continues.
"No, not at all," she says, nibbling away at his ear.
"Is it your dad or your brother?" he inquires, hoping to be reassured.
"No, no, no!!!" she answers.
"Well, who in the hell is he then?" he demands.
"That's me before the surgery."
Two priests in a bathroom of a church are taking a **** in the urinals
One looks over and notices a nicotine patch on the other priests d!ck.
He goes "I just can't help but notice the patch on your pecker. I think those are only effective if you put them on your arm?!"
The other priest goes, "Nope, its been working fine right where it is. I'm down to two butts a day"
One looks over and notices a nicotine patch on the other priests d!ck.
He goes "I just can't help but notice the patch on your pecker. I think those are only effective if you put them on your arm?!"
The other priest goes, "Nope, its been working fine right where it is. I'm down to two butts a day"
Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 5,219
Likes: 5
From: SoCal, Riverside!
THINGS TO NEVER SAY TO A COP
1. I can't reach my license unless you hold my beer. (OK in Texas)
2. Sorry, Officer, I didn't realize my radar detector wasn't plugged in.
3. Aren't you the guy from the Village People?
4. Hey, you must've been doin' about 125 mph to keep up with me. Good job!
5. Are You Andy or Barney?
6. I thought you had to be in relatively good physical condition to be a police officer.
7. You're not gonna check the trunk, are you?
8. I pay your salary!
9. Gee, Officer! That's terrific. The last officer only gave me a warning, too!
10. Do you know why you pulled me over? Okay, just so one of us does.
11. I was trying to keep up with traffic. Yes, I know there are no other cars around. That's how far ahead of me they are.
12. When the Officer says "Gee Your eyes look red, have you been drinking?" You probably shouldn't respond with, "Gee Officer your eyes look glazed, have you been eating doughnuts?"
1. I can't reach my license unless you hold my beer. (OK in Texas)
2. Sorry, Officer, I didn't realize my radar detector wasn't plugged in.
3. Aren't you the guy from the Village People?
4. Hey, you must've been doin' about 125 mph to keep up with me. Good job!
5. Are You Andy or Barney?
6. I thought you had to be in relatively good physical condition to be a police officer.
7. You're not gonna check the trunk, are you?
8. I pay your salary!
9. Gee, Officer! That's terrific. The last officer only gave me a warning, too!
10. Do you know why you pulled me over? Okay, just so one of us does.
11. I was trying to keep up with traffic. Yes, I know there are no other cars around. That's how far ahead of me they are.
12. When the Officer says "Gee Your eyes look red, have you been drinking?" You probably shouldn't respond with, "Gee Officer your eyes look glazed, have you been eating doughnuts?"
Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 5,219
Likes: 5
From: SoCal, Riverside!
After numerous rounds of "We don't even know if Osama is still alive",
Osama himself decided to send George Bush a letter in his own
handwriting to let him know he was still in the game.
Bush opened the letter and it appeared to contain a
single line of coded message: 370H-SSV-0773H.
Bush was baffled, so he e-mailed it to Condoleeza Rice.
Condi and her aides had not a clue either, so they sent it to the FBI.
No one could solve it at the FBI so it went to the CIA, then to NSA.
Eventually they asked Britain's MI-6 for help.
Within a minute MI-6 cabled the White House with this reply. "Tell the
President he's holding the message upside down."
Osama himself decided to send George Bush a letter in his own
handwriting to let him know he was still in the game.
Bush opened the letter and it appeared to contain a
single line of coded message: 370H-SSV-0773H.
Bush was baffled, so he e-mailed it to Condoleeza Rice.
Condi and her aides had not a clue either, so they sent it to the FBI.
No one could solve it at the FBI so it went to the CIA, then to NSA.
Eventually they asked Britain's MI-6 for help.
Within a minute MI-6 cabled the White House with this reply. "Tell the
President he's holding the message upside down."
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Hi-Tech computer show in Vegas
Most advance computer is on display. It can understand you and do anything you tell him to.
Man that present it challenges the crowd to ask computer to do something.
A voice from the crowd.............."Format C"
Most advance computer is on display. It can understand you and do anything you tell him to.
Man that present it challenges the crowd to ask computer to do something.
A voice from the crowd.............."Format C"
Blond had twins
She's sitting on hospital bed and crying.
Doctor walks in and asks her why is she crying.
she says. What am I going to tell my husband? Who's the father of the second child?
She's sitting on hospital bed and crying.
Doctor walks in and asks her why is she crying.
she says. What am I going to tell my husband? Who's the father of the second child?
Types of Wоmеn
Woman HARD DISK:
Remembers everything all the time
Woman RAM:
Forgets everything right after you live her
Woman WINDOWS:
Everyone knows that she cant do anything right,
but no one can live without her
Woman EXCEL:
They say she can do everything, but you use her for only four main needs.
Woman SCREENSAVER:
She is fun, but useless
Woman INTERNET:
Remote.
Woman SERVER:
Always busy when you need her
Woman MULTIMEDIA:
Makes horrible things look beautiful
Woman CD-ROM:
She gets faster and faster
Woman E-MAIL:
Out of 10 phrases she says, 8 are absolute crap
Woman FLESH CARD
This woman you can trust your deepest secrets
Woman XEROX
Has many kids
Woman VIRUS:
Also known as “wife”;
Shows up when you do not expect her
If you try to get rid of her you loose something. If you don't get rid of her you loose everything.
Woman HARD DISK:
Remembers everything all the time
Woman RAM:
Forgets everything right after you live her
Woman WINDOWS:
Everyone knows that she cant do anything right,
but no one can live without her
Woman EXCEL:
They say she can do everything, but you use her for only four main needs.
Woman SCREENSAVER:
She is fun, but useless
Woman INTERNET:
Remote.
Woman SERVER:
Always busy when you need her
Woman MULTIMEDIA:
Makes horrible things look beautiful
Woman CD-ROM:
She gets faster and faster
Woman E-MAIL:
Out of 10 phrases she says, 8 are absolute crap
Woman FLESH CARD
This woman you can trust your deepest secrets
Woman XEROX
Has many kids
Woman VIRUS:
Also known as “wife”;
Shows up when you do not expect her
If you try to get rid of her you loose something. If you don't get rid of her you loose everything.
A brunette was running up and down a river bank, looking for a way to cross. A blonde on the other side saw her and yelled "What are you doing?" The brunette said "I'm trying to find a way to get to the other side!". The blonde replied "Silly, you are on the other side!".